all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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