connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
