i just wanna soil my oats bro
i think my tv is drunk
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
