**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
where are you?
Hypothermia
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
