Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
