i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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