if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
