I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
