All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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