dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
