Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Randomize
