I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
