dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
