is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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