ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
