Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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