he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
