ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
