Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
