I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
