I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
