If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
