I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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