we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
