So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
