If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize