I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
