that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
