She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
