I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
