I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
