He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
