He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
