My hair reeks of homosexuality.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
