my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
