That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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