dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
