I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
