i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
3 2 1 whiskey
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
