my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
