next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
