hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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