Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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