true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
