I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
