remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
