i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
