i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
