Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
