IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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