The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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