So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
