So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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