you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
