dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
